An embarrassed Church vigorously refutes the existence of Her holiness, Popess Joan â La papessa. She is myth or legend, the result of medieval protestant anti-church propaganda, and a figment of our modern imagination. All that despite over five hundred ancient monastic chronicles of her existence and irrespective of evidence from pre-modern art, in architecture, in the literature and in literature â a chapter of Giovanni Boccaccioâs Famous Women (1374) focuses on her, myth or no myth. This mysterious lady pope is an elephant in the room, visible and invisible all at once. Be that as it may. Perhaps she never actually existed. There is however an aspect of this legend that suggests otherwise.
The story concludes that Popess Joan was unmasked during a procession. She went into labour and gave birth in broad daylight, right under scandalised Roman noses. Since that ancient âtragedyâ a checking of the candidateâs phallic âvitalsâ precedes every papal selection. He sits in a special tall chair cut out in the middle such that his balls might hang and is visible to observing cardinals, who walk by in a file. The ritual is completed with the conclave individually bearing witness and declaiming in Latin as it files past: âtesticulos habet et bene pendentes!;â meaning roughly, âtesticles he has and they hang well!â Or simply in the vernacular, âhe is well-hung!â
If that account is true, then there is no stronger proof of the existence of a distant female pope than this clerical phallic annunciation. The shadow of that matriarch is so overpowering that she practically make boys out of men, such that they must play with each otherâs balls and prove their maleness, bene-bene-pendentes. Ironically, the only serious proof of La Papessaâs existence is that very act of her historical denial and erasure by a hysterical clergy. This is anxiously marked in time by the viewing of scrotums, the joyous declamations; by the pendulous swaying of testicles â ree-roo-raa â blown by woman-harsh religious winds as they depend down from the high ritual chair; and, of course, by the jubilant erection rocking that chair in spiritual ecstasy and patriarchal triumph! At least no eunuch or woman is supposed to sit there. In short the whole ceremony of papal installation since La Papessa is fixated on the phallus, swollen, aggressive and misogynist. Why must this tiny bit of muscle have such dizzying sway – ree-roo-raa- over male clerical senses? The answer might be religio-psychosocial.
Christian iconography is replete with phallic symbols, the most immediately visible being the church steeple, and the not so obvious ubiquitous âcross,â very much phallic in its original ancient Babylonian design and pagan sexualised intent. These two icons will suffice although other near inexhaustible examples exist â especially of the textual, linguistic sort within a scripture almost entirely written by men, except for the book of Ruth. The result of ancient religious male chauvinism is this primitive clerical masculinist and Hobbesian arrogance in the twenty first century, which excludes women â and persecutes children.
It is persecution for the child when that ungainly weight, the-ree-the-roo-the-raa of the swinging phallus, pulls many a holy man asunder and he crumbles before the image of an helpless alter boy. Only a detachment from that pendulous weight will provide any kind of stability for the body of Christ. And detachment can only come if the pulpit overcomes its original fear â a woman pope. Until La Papessa returns that bodily clock will continue to tick, sway and whirr â the ree the roo the raa! Church and state will not know rest.
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My prayer is that The Poor Pontiff should pray earnestly for the redemption of your Esu-Elegbara (signifying monkey) soul!
agree
Wow, strong provocative interesting stuff, raising serious question of a future, if not past!?! female Pope…to be debated, argued, considered further…….
The church is some shape-shifting trickster, confounding us all in its Eshu hat of many manifestations; it is also a sign that must be used to lie so that it can be used to tell the truth. The Ree, the Roo, the Raa!
It has always been of my opinion that the catholic church is made up of unchristain people – masquerading themselves as the “HOLINESS(S)… Through ages, as you have pointed out, they have fought, for power. Ruled nations like the typical politicians we see today…. Only God knows what fate awaits them… ABout the gender, that is an age old discourse
Dr Ede, a group whose leader popped a kid during an – open – procession would be correct to myth the incredulous incident and their leader who popped and revealed. But then, it’s required no more. That was pre-celibacy.
Thoroughly enjoying this issue. Unusual and interesting angle you take here in the editorial. Well done.The point is clear and not to be dismissed. I enjoyed the piece for the argument and for the history and research supporting it.
Ama, there is a glaring omission in this your very interesting and provocative editorial…who impregnated Popess Joan? đ
Perhaps it was another immaculate conception? Anyhow, she was rumored to have had a lover, who was a fallen angel from the priestly class, and on whose encouragement she proceeded to Rome in the first instance. A ree roo raa of a situation whenever they got together; hence the big belly, well camouflaged under clerical robes.
Insightful. Galileo said it long ago: the earth moves.
Quite an interesting piece that hits the nail on the head. The question of a female pope or popess is one the Catholic church still remains and might continue to remain wordless about.
The secrecy in which the Catholic church, especially the papacy shrouds itself in, leaves one asking a lot of questions. Will there ever be a black pope or female cardinal or popess? Or does the answer just lie in âtesticulos habet et bene pendentes?
Witch Doctor Ede,
Thanks for making it plain for us to run with. You must also admit that as curious and seemingly unchanging as this brand of Christianity is, it is a most exemplary model in making haste slowly. The act of the last pope still leaves me feeling that we have not heard the last of that matter. It remains so pregnant with meanings that we are yet to exhaust its ramifications. It is as courageous as it is suspicious and deftly indicting.
But you can’t deny the Catholic church the beautiful conduct that finally attended the way of the unexpected pre-death election. It spoke so profoundly to politics; particularly the rascally politics of Africa. it spoke so instructively for order; even if it wore a mask.
But the new Witch doctor must also be thanked for helping us to draw the connections across history, literature and politics.
Wow! I’ve always known the church (no matter what religion) is patriarchal. There’s no place for women in it. Some protestant churches have allowed women to be pastors/reverends/priestess but I wonder to what extent.
There are many mysteries surrounding what went on around the papacy before and after the Medieval Ages.
You should watch the weekly TV show, “The Borgias,” the first mafia family. I know they exaggerate to make it more appealing to the viewers but there’s a lot of truth in it. Pope Alexander VI was a despot and women were objectified. Anyway, I could go on but I’ll stop here. Very interesting piece, Ama.
Thanks Dr. Ede for sharing this important piece, particularly for being able to point out the temporal signposts through the eye of Chaucer, as they relate to the politics of Papacy. The recently unfolding crisis in the Catholic Church, and its undercurrents are nothing but a validation of the thrust of this treatise of yours.
Gutsy, timely editorial, Amatoritsero. And very erudite as usual. I just got here (on the site) but even at a quick glance the issue looks good. Congrats.
(Laughs). Hmmm. I am particular about how the human psyche is patterned and even enslaved by her very inventions. This is illuminating. I think Chinelo Okparanta treats these subjects too, as mirrored here. Yet I wonder why or how humanity has not fully given ears to the true depictions and interpretations it portends. This negligence alludes to the severity of deception and bondage…
This piece is insighhtful, and could not have been anything else than the product of a highly productive mind. I love it!