NANCY
Oh! I see. Got to make room for three.
WOMAN
Well, not exact–
NANCY
I understand. You know, the urgency. Your urgency. It’s easier to, you know: buy, and sell, and move while you’re pregnant than with a baby.
(WOMAN begins to
Sob softly again.)
NANCY (Continued)
Oh my – I didn’t mean to –
(MAN approaches
the two women.)
WOMAN
It’s not – I don’t know anymore. Is it stress? The excitement? Hormones?
MAN
Or all of the above!
(WOMAN and NANCY glare at the MAN)
MAN (Continued)
Oops. Sorry.
MAN
(Making amends to WOMAN)
You’d love that bay window, hon. The eastern exposure at daylight.
NANCY
(Points toward the off-stage bathroom)
And you have to see the master bathroom.
(THEY walk stage left and look off-stage)
NANCY
Free standing tub. Glass-enclosed shower. Quartz-topped vanity with double sinks!
MAN
Quartz-topped battleground
NANCY
Excuse me?
MAN
Quartz-topped battleground
NANCY
Sorry…I’m not following…
WOMAN
History. Ancient history.
MAN
(To NANCY)
You know…ye old countertop combat zone? The runaway toothpaste cap. The ring around the sink! Whose loose hairs are these? Who forgot to wipe down the quartz countertop?!
WOMAN
(Mockingly)
Who forgot to put the toilet seat down?!
MAN
The note on toilet seat: if you pee on the floor, I’ll wipe it up with your washcloth.
WOMAN
The misadventures of cohabitation!
NANCY
Oh my!
(Awkward chuckle; Glances at her papers)
But…wait. You two don’t live together. I have two different –
WOMAN
Addresses. That’s right. This’ll be our first place together.
NANCY
(Still consulting papers)
And you’re married –
WOMAN
Three years!
