I continued to connect with Sungitha by phone, email and in person over the next few months, but as I gradually found myself more and more disenchanted with the idea of marrying her, this then was reflected in the length and frequency of my attempts of contact. I could sense that she was eager to move things along more quickly, but remained chaste and innocent throughout, unwilling to engage in debauchery to tempt me, to push me to make what was in her mind the right decision. It was amazing to me to see how traditional she was in her values even given the fact that she had lived most of her life in North America, ever since she was ten, even staying in a dorm while attending university. I would have expected such an experience to make her less traditional in her ways. I wondered what was the most risqué thing she might have participated on campus during her undergrad years. She claimed to not be a regular consumer of alcohol, even despising the taste of most types and I believe her – honesty was definitely one of her strongest virtues in my eyes. One thing I would like to know is if she had kept a boyfriend at any point in her life. She certainly made no mention of one which may be also due to the fact that we had yet to formally ask each other about our past romances. But this had no impact on my decision on whether I would marry her or not, after all she seemed to be a good clean girl all around, a minor experience of young love wasn’t going to change that. The only thing holding me back was me; I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to take this next step in my life.
Whenever I talked to my mother she would tell me how she often gets calls from relatives and family members asking to know what was happening between me and Sungitha. I am sure that many of these people assumed that we were already set to be married and that a wedding date announcement was coming soon.
“So what do you think?” said my mother one day. “Will you marry her?”
“I don’t know mom,” I said. “There’s no spark between us.”
“What do you mean spark? What is that? You mean like chemistry or love? Remember how you met each other. You met through family connections. Most people in our culture marry this way. It is not a love marriage, so there isn’t going to be any of this spark or chemistry that you talk about. It’s more a practical arrangement – you need a wife, she needs a husband. You are both educated and her family is good. That is all there is to it. ”
The people I confided in most were my two closest friends, Frank and Mike. There was a time when I’d had more friends with whom I opened up to like this. It just seems that with time these other friends became more and more detached, age bringing with it increased employment and relationship commitments.
“Are you sure you want to get married?” said Frank.
“Well yeah,” I said. “I mean we are getting to that age right?”
“I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”
“I think you’re just afraid you won’t see me again.”
“Maybe. But, I also just can’t believe that you want to have an arranged marriage. An arranged marriage!”
“It’s not really all that bad. Sungitha is a nice girl. She’s pretty – you’ve seen her pictures she’s good looking, she’s educated and we have a good time together. I just don’t know if I want to get married that’s all.”
“Don’t you have to marry her at this point? Isn’t that how arranged marriages work?” said Mike.
“No, I could back out.”
“Are you sure? Sure doesn’t seem like it if we’re to believe anything you’ve told us.”
“Nothing’s set guys. No offer of marriage has been made, no wedding has been set, no ring of any kind has been bought. Our family’s just think we are getting married because we’ve kept talking for so long. She’s a really great girl. I’m just not ready right now, or not sure if I’m ready. It’s a big step you know to get married. My life is going to be very different to what it is now. But everyone keeps telling me, everyone but you guys I guess, that I’m getting old and I should get married and maybe they’re right. I am over thirty now. We’re not kids anymore. Maybe it’s time we grew up.”
Alright man, it’s your life,” said Frank. “Let’s just hope Melissa doesn’t find out about this. She’ll go mad.”
Frank was right about Melissa. She was the girl I had broken up with nine months ago, after a three a hand year relationship. We had gone looking to buy property together, and the beginning of the end for us was when I decided to buy a two bedroom condo on my own. It became clear to her then that I didn’t want to marry her. I told her that wasn’t true and that there was still a good chance I would marry her, but that was still far off in the future. Things were never the same between us since then and we broke up within three months of my moving into the condo.
***
I really liked reading this story. It had a nice flow to it…but the ending sort of left me hanging. I feel like it didn’t quite end. But yes, I did enjoy it and the characters were real and vivid. Well done, Mr S!