And now, right now?
all those memories of all we been through and how I was brought up seem to want to come up
the moment I’m alone in the middle of a park
For no reason, I cry,
and when I cry, I cry really hard – it’s like, embarrassing hard
So for the sake of the public eye, I try MY hardest to stop
but the more I try to stop,
the harder I cry anyway
And because I am a product of pretending everything is perfect
I tell everyone who looks at me that I’m okay
But I’m not
I’m actually really pissed off
Just the other day my Ma told me,
to “please accept the fact that when you’re not well, you avoid some things”
and I started to convince myself that she’s only avoiding me because
for the past three weeks every time I call, she just let’s it ring
and I’ve been getting more and more pissed off at how she keeps ignoring me
YOU NEVER PAY ATTENTION TO ME MOM
and I scream it, like a little drama queen
but she just whispers back,
I’m afraid to let you see me like this
And I wish with all my heart she hears me when I say
you’re not perfect Ma
You are worthy, of life
You’re the one who taught me that
ain’t it enough?
But of course, she says
Ain’t, is not a word.
Britta B. performs “Ain’t is Not a Word” (spoken word) from Paul and Jason on Vimeo.
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