<\/p>\n
Me and Jesus have a lunch date.
\nHe orders a plate of nachos and I think:<\/p>\n
That\u2019s weird, I mean, who knew Jesus
\nWould like nachos, but then again
\nwho doesn\u2019t like nachos, but really the truth is
\nthe nachos are only okay:
\nNo double layer of cheese
\nso everything underneath is just
\nWarm chip
\nAnticlimactic
\nMediocre
\nSubstandard
\nMeh.<\/p>\n
Like my confirmation
\nIn church at 12 my dad the minister
\nlaying hands on my head sacredly bowed
\nHoping for unicorns or
\nAngel voices or at least
\nSomething magical to happen
\nBut like the nachos
\nit was just
\nBread and grape juice
\nAnticlimactic
\nMediocre
\nSubstandard
\nMeh.<\/p>\n
Jesus shows me his scars thinking
\nI\u2019ll be impressed; I\u2019m like, “dude
\nMy heart is torn and twisted into blasphemy
\nwith scar tissue
\nand world-hardened apathy.
\nyour scars are window dressing and cliche I\u2019m sorry I mean, yeah cool
\nYou were crucified
\nI mean, it was like
\nTwo thousand years ago and
\nI admit
\nI\u2019ve been through some shit but not like
\nnails in my hands and feet
\nkinda shit but – Jesus
\nThere are babies born inside out and
\nWithout brains or hearts and
\nToddlers riddled with cancer, I mean
\nNuclear bombs and genocide and ebola and
\nClimate change and also USA; I mean
\nwe are taking over the whole goddamn planet
\nand we are fucking up everything so I have to ask you
\nWere we ever
\nworth saving?”<\/p>\n
He pauses awkwardly.
\nLooks at me
\nAnd shrugs.<\/p>\n
He says.<\/p>\n
“I love you.
\nI\u2019ve always loved you.
\nEven at your worst.”<\/p>\n
And I feel bad
\n“Jesus
\nI know I sound cynical it\u2019s just
\nI wanted so badly to believe in you
\nYour story was beautiful, yet here you sit
\nAll yoga guru and hipster bullshit and I
\nFeel foolish for crushing on you when I was twelve; see
\nyou\u2019re just like that boy
\nin grade 7;
\nthe day I ran and tripped in front of the cool kids
\nwhen I flew slow motion and
\nKissed the cruel pavement
\nand he laughed too”<\/p>\n
“My bleeding knee-ed, red-faced horror”
\n
\n
\n“Your bleeding handed, cow-eyed horror
\nJesus
\nWe used to climb trees and make blanket forts together
\nbut you
\nStarted hanging with the cool kids
\nAnd I stayed inside reading books
\nand wishing you would ask me to dance”<\/p>\n
“I\u2019m sorry this lunch date just isn\u2019t working out and it sucks because
\nMy parents really like you I mean
\nHonestly I think my mother
\nIs kind of obsessed with you which makes this whole thing
\nKind of weird if I\u2019m honest.”<\/p>\n
“You seem like a really great guy, Jesus
\nAnd that water into wine and
\nSix loaves two fishes stuff makes you
\nA pretty cool guy to bring
\nTo a party
\nBut to be honest?”<\/p>\n
“I\u2019m just not feelin\u2019 it.”<\/p>\n
“Maybe
\nif we\u2019d met at a different time –
\nOkay that\u2019s stupid
\nI mean you\u2019ve always kind of been hanging around my small town
\nwaiting for me to come home but the thing is”<\/p>\n
“I\u2019m just not that into you
\nI\u2019m not into that long hair
\nSacrificial lamb vibe
\nSee I\u2019ve got this thing
\nFor bad boys
\nAnd guitar players”<\/p>\n
“And also
\nyou\u2019re lacking a fatal flaw which from
\nA writerly point of view makes you actually pretty boring;
\nNo wait I
\nReally shouldn\u2019t have said that
\nJesus I\u2019m sorry”<\/p>\n
“We can still be
\nFacebook friends
\nFollow me on Instagram?
\nNot snapchat though, sorry.”<\/p>\n
“I really am sorry
\nJesus
\nBut something about you brings out my
\nRuthless honesty maybe there\u2019s no point in lying to you anyway
\nBut really, it\u2019s
\nIt\u2019s been fun
\nReally it\u2019s great to catch up
\nMaybe I\u2019ll see you around
\nJesus.”<\/p>\n
“sure
\nLet\u2019s keep in touch”<\/p>\n
“Yeah let me know
\nIf you\u2019re ever in town again
\nAnd maybe we can go for coffee
\nOr something.”<\/p>\n
“Don\u2019t forget your nachos\u2026”
\n\n