“Your bleeding handed, cow-eyed horror
Jesus
We used to climb trees and make blanket forts together
but you
Started hanging with the cool kids
And I stayed inside reading books
and wishing you would ask me to dance”
“I’m sorry this lunch date just isn’t working out and it sucks because
My parents really like you I mean
Honestly I think my mother
Is kind of obsessed with you which makes this whole thing
Kind of weird if I’m honest.”
“You seem like a really great guy, Jesus
And that water into wine and
Six loaves two fishes stuff makes you
A pretty cool guy to bring
To a party
But to be honest?”
“I’m just not feelin’ it.”
“Maybe
if we’d met at a different time –
Okay that’s stupid
I mean you’ve always kind of been hanging around my small town
waiting for me to come home but the thing is”
“I’m just not that into you
I’m not into that long hair
Sacrificial lamb vibe
See I’ve got this thing
For bad boys
And guitar players”
“And also
you’re lacking a fatal flaw which from
A writerly point of view makes you actually pretty boring;
No wait I
Really shouldn’t have said that
Jesus I’m sorry”
“We can still be
Facebook friends
Follow me on Instagram?
Not snapchat though, sorry.”
“I really am sorry
Jesus
But something about you brings out my
Ruthless honesty maybe there’s no point in lying to you anyway
But really, it’s
It’s been fun
Really it’s great to catch up
Maybe I’ll see you around
Jesus.”
“sure
Let’s keep in touch”
“Yeah let me know
If you’re ever in town again
And maybe we can go for coffee
Or something.”
“Don’t forget your nachos…”