<\/p>\n
When David was in the nursery, the ladies working there used to say that he was \u2018no trouble,\u2019 \u2018well adjusted,\u2019 and \u2018rather quiet,\u2019 which they presented as a good thing. In the first and second year of primary school things were also, more or less, fine. In the third year, however, his mother noted that few boys visited him after school and he went to other boys\u2019 houses only when his mother requested he do so. When she asked him why his pool of friends dried up, he replied that it was probably because he didn\u2019t have an Xbox. His father bought him an Xbox for Christmas, but this didn\u2019t improve things considerably. When quizzed by his father, David replied that it was probably because by this point Xboxes had become obsolete; other gear had become more fashionable. However, he asked his parents not to buy him new equipment to play games because, for his needs, the Xbox was more than sufficient. <\/p>\n
In the last years of primary school David had even fewer friends or, to be precise, he had no friends at all. Boys stopped inviting him even to their birthday parties and so he didn\u2019t invite them either. He told his mother that birthday parties were for small children, older kids made their own birthday arrangements. But he didn\u2019t arrange anything, so spent his birthdays eating a birthday cake with his parents and waiting for the ordeal to end. Again, he was quizzed by his mother as to why he had no friends, and he suggested that it was because all the boys in his class were obsessed with football, while he had no interest in this sport. His mother suggested that maybe he could fake such interest, but he refused, saying that if it was fake, his pals would discover it and he wouldn\u2019t like to fake anything. <\/p>\n
A similar pattern could be observed in Scouts, where kids naturally divided themselves into groups to play and talk. Yet he only played when they were divided into groups by the scouts\u2019 instructor. He told himself that maybe this happened because he was the only kid who went to a public school, which was frowned upon by his peers. David wasn\u2019t interested in either the games or the other kids in Scouts, but decided to stay there because the Scout hut was near home and, also, in order not to offend his father, who was already dismayed by his son leaving karate club, school choir, and the debating society at his new school. <\/p>\n
In secondary school, located in the town where his father worked \u2013 which was quite far away from home \u2013 he was the only boy from his old primary school and the rest of the pupils already knew each other. He felt so miserable there that after a couple of months he asked his parents to be transferred to the state school near his house, where most of the kids from his old school had gone. Admittedly, these kids weren\u2019t his friends, but he knew how to operate among them; he was used to their non-friendship, which was pretty benign. Although David\u2019s father had a low opinion of the local school, he gave into his son\u2019s demand and wrote an application for David to be transferred there. But the same day his father was meant to send it, the boy informed him that he decided to stay in the public school. His parents weren\u2019t sure what changed his mind, but sighed with relief, because they didn\u2019t fancy looking for a third school for him if the second turned out to be a disaster. It was some time later that David told his mother that what had stopped him from moving was being approached by a boy named James, who asked him to visit him after school. He accepted this invitation and the boys started to see each other regularly, usually on weekends. When they didn\u2019t do this, they would talk on the phone. James became David\u2019s first and only friend.<\/p>\n
When secondary school ended, James stayed on at his old school, to do A Levels, while David switched to a state college. He did so to save his parents money and because his father, following a divorce from David\u2019s mother, moved to a different part of the country. Now there was nobody to drive him to school in the morning and he didn\u2019t like going there by bus, as it took ages to get there and tended to be noisy. In the new school he was, again, on his own. He told his mother that this was because other people were already in their own bubbles due to coming from a handful of nearby state schools, while he was the only pupil from this public school. On top of that, there was Covid, which limited opportunities for interaction. But, by this point, he came to the conclusion that he was lonely not because of an absence of an Xbox, nor not being interested in football, nor being new at school. It was because of his personality.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd how do you feel about it?\u201d asked his mother, with tears in her eyes, when he told her what she already knew, but tried to hide from herself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI feel fine. And I know that there is no point in forcing things. Joining Scouts or cycling club won\u2019t get me any friends; it will only make me miserable. Even other people trying to make friends with me makes me uncomfortable when I know we have little in common.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut this way you might stay lonely till the end of your life.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI won\u2019t. I have James and you. I don\u2019t think you will die any time soon.\u201d<\/p>\n
After his A Levels David decided to look for a job. This did not mean he lost interest in intellectual pursuits, but he believed that the things he wanted to learn about \u2013 the existence of forms, the arguments in favour and against of God\u2019s existence \u2013 he could learn by himself. Reading books, listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos, and finding flaws in others\u2019 and his own arguments would be cheaper, and save him from the discomfort of talking to self-entitled mid-wits.<\/p>\n
After two months of applying for whatever was available in his part of the country, David got a job in an Amazon depot some twenty miles from home. The work was repetitive and required walking a lot, but both things he enjoyed. The monotony allowed him to concentrate on his intellectual pursuits and walking helped him to stay fit, which otherwise would be a problem as, by nature, he was a couch potato. Moreover, most of the tasks, with names such as stowing, splitting, or pushing, were solitary or required minimal interaction with others. Even the architecture of the canteen, where he took his lunch breaks, discouraged interaction, as it was made of numerous cubicles, separated from each other by plastic screens. These barriers were officially a legacy of Covid restrictions, but some lazy loudmouth who worked on David\u2019s shift claimed that they were there to prevent them from organising a trade union. There was a table for table tennis in the canteen and David happily joined in the games, as it was one of few sports which he was good at, thanks to playing at home with his mother when he was a kid. Playing table tennis added variety to his working day and earned him a bit of respect from his co-workers. There were other things which broke the monotony of his life, such as visits to pubs and birthday parties, usually taking place on Sunday, after his shift ended. \u201cIt isn\u2019t exactly my scene, but I\u2019m happy to go,\u201d he informed his mother every Sunday morning when warning her that he would be late. When the music wasn\u2019t too loud, he was even able to exchange some views with his work pals about the role of philosophy in one\u2019s life or the value of having a university degree. Predictably, the majority of his co-workers respected philosophers, but were sceptical about official education, either because they didn\u2019t go to university themselves or because they did go and still ended up in the Amazon warehouse.<\/p>\n
\n
\nThe only thing David didn\u2019t like about work was when the task meant he had to pair up with somebody. His methods for working, which he found superior, weren\u2019t shared by the others and they both ended up working slower than if they\u2019d done the work separately. Particularly frustrating was stowing with somebody, namely storing incoming inventory for future retrieval. He preferred to put parcels for similar locations in one place and then distribute them, while others moved the parcels one by one, resulting in a backlog of work. <\/p>\n
One day, when he was stowing by himself, he was joined by a new girl who looked to be his age. She just said \u201cHi,\u201d and started the work. Although, by this point, David was tired of explaining to his co-workers how to stow \u2013 in order to make their work less stressful and more efficient \u2013 he decided that he would tell her. She nodded and did just as he asked of her, and it was great to work together for the couple of hours they were allocated to the task.<\/p>\n
In the middle of their work, he asked her: \u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joanna,\u201d she replied, without asking for his name.<\/p>\n
\u201cMine is David,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
She nodded and carried on working, evenly and efficiently, when listening to whatever she was listening to through her headphones. (Officially, they weren\u2019t allowed to use mobile phones at work, but everybody did.) He didn\u2019t want to disturb her anymore because talking lowered the speed of work and he himself was annoyed when other people prevented him from listening in peace. He had to admit that he was impressed and intrigued by her introversion and efficiency, which surpassed his. He also noticed that she was pretty, although behaved as if she didn\u2019t care, wearing no make-up, having her hair in a simple bun, and keeping her fingernails short and unpainted. There was also something slightly otherworldly about her thanks to her eyes being very green. He\u2019d never seen such green eyes as hers, except in cats. <\/p>\n
During the lunch break, when they finished eating their food, David asked Joanna whether she would like to play table tennis with him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know how to play,\u201d she replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cI will teach you,\u201d replied David.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
David explained to her what to do to play efficiently and she proved, again, a very good pupil. They finished playing only at the end of the break. For the rest of the day, they worked separately, as they were assigned to different tasks. Whenever he could, David observed Joanna and he felt that she reciprocated. However, she didn\u2019t say anything. It was a week till he saw her again, as their shifts overlapped only once a week. They were again working as a pair for a couple of hours, and then played table tennis. The only thing different was that David asked Joanna, when they\u2019d finished playing, whether she would like some pineapple, as they were selling it in the vending machine in the canteen. She, however refused, saying that pineapple burnt her mouth. David explained to her that this was the way pineapples tried to save themselves from being eaten by their enemies.<\/p>\n
\u201cSounds like me,\u201d replied Joanna, smiling slightly.<\/p>\n
This was the first time David got an indication she had a sense of humour as, before, he had only suspected it. He was about to add that he didn\u2019t need to behave like a pineapple as nobody was interested in him, but decided not to say this, as this could put Joanna off. Instead, he said: \u201cGood to have some defences, otherwise people take you for granted.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat about you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen people attack me verbally, I try to ignore them. I try not to engage in discussions with morons. Unfortunately, people who are on my side, politically, are usually morons. I find it depressing.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIf you have above-average intelligence, you will find most people morons. This is a cost of being intelligent.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrue. So what we are doing here, in the Amazon depot?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe searching for people like ourselves. Plus, I needed the money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSame with me,\u201d said David. \u201cWorking here has two benefits. I earn money and I study at the same time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you studying?,\u201d asked Joanna during their next lunch break.<\/p>\n
\u201cPhilosophy. I listen to podcasts on Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza and so on, to find out what exists and how the world is constructed.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI see. And what conclusion have you reached?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat forms exist no less really than material objects.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s interesting. I think the same, but in my case it\u2019s based on perception, not inquiry. When I look at things, I see their contours first and their content later. Sometimes it requires much effort to fill these contours. I call it \u2018ghost-busting,\u2019 as in this old film, if you know it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do. I have watched it with my mum.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, you see. I have reasons to believe that the way I see things is different from what is regarded as normal. But I don\u2019t want to change it. It\u2019s the way I am. In fact, I was so worried that I\u2019d lose this ability, that I started to draw the stages of my perceptions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI would be interested to see them,\u201d said David.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou might find it spooky\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI like spooky.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLike Edward Derby, the character in H. P. Lovecraft\u2019s story \u2018The Thing on the Doorstep,\u2019\u201d she half-asked, half-stated.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t know that story, or the writer.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo read it first and then we can return to the conversation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\n
\nDavid hurried to read it; so he ordered it the same day, of course on Amazon as he was a faithful customer of his employer, buying something almost every day. However, he didn\u2019t know how the story of a wizard who possessed his daughter referred to Joanna. So he asked her. He suggested they discuss it after work in a McDonald\u2019s restaurant, as it was the nearest and indeed the only restaurant in the town where they worked and convenient for the trains they both used in commuting to work, although in different directions.<\/p>\n
David ordered chips with chicken nuggets for both of them, as this was what they normally ate after finishing their shift and said: \u201cI see no connection between the girl in the story and you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, there is. Everybody who knew my father told me that I was very similar to him, both in my appearance and character. We both had very green eyes, and he was into strange things. He believed in ghosts and reincarnation. He claimed that we carry within us memories of other people. For some people they remain hidden, others are aware of them but they don\u2019t care, and others still, like my father, search to find their sources, as they want to know their place in the chain of inheritance of consciousness. And so, he kept leaving to search for these traces and one day he never returned. And since then, I cannot get rid of him from my mind. I think about him, wherever I go, as if he colonised my consciousness. I also have problems with seeing other people,\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry to hear it. My father also disappeared, but in a more prosaic way. He and my mother simply divorced several years ago.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDoes what I said not put you off?\u201d asked Joanna. \u201cAre you not afraid that I\u2019m like Asenath from \u2018The Thing on the Doorstep\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo. This story is just a piece of fiction, even a fantasy, while we live in a real world. Anyway, I see nothing wrong with you,\u201d said David, taking Joanna\u2019s hand. Her hand was slightly larger than his, as he had small hands for a man, but she let him hold hers and didn\u2019t laugh him off, as he was afraid might happen. Maybe this was because she was a witch, bent on destroying him, or maybe because she genuinely liked him. \u201cTime will tell,\u201d he reassured himself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Lonely Wolves When David was in the nursery, the ladies working there used to say that he was \u2018no trouble,\u2019 \u2018well adjusted,\u2019 and \u2018rather quiet,\u2019 which they presented as a good thing. In the first and second year of primary school things were also, more or less, fine. In the third year, however, his mother noted that few boys…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4990,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2158"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2158\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5074,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2158\/revisions\/5074"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4990"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}