Andriy slammed his glass on the table. \u201cGot that right, Bud! Rules are rules! And Markstrom crossed the line. Slashing? Gimme a break.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut he never actually touched\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then that flop! Man, he went down like\u2026like a soccer player!\u201d<\/p>\n
Symon burst out laughing and Andriy joined in. Whoops<\/em>, Symon thought. This is supposed to be an argument. Is this out of character?<\/em><\/p>\n Apparently Andriy didn\u2019t mind; still laughing, he clinked glasses with Symon.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know, man,\u201d Symon shrugged, letting the conversation go where it would. \u201cThat Thornton dude is a fuckin\u2019 psychopath.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFuck yeeeaahh!\u201d Andriy said, draining his bottle and slamming it onto the table again. Like best friends drinking at a sports bar, Symon smiled. Mission accomplished.<\/p>\n Andriy stood up. \u201cAll right, Bud. I\u2019d better get back to work. Meet you here later?\u201d<\/p>\n Symon tapped his phone screen. Nope\u2014Andriy\u2019s last session for the night.<\/em> He swiped a few more screens\u2014to make it look like he was only scrolling through texts\u2014and said, \u201cSorry, dude. We\u2019ve got a big project due tomorrow. Looks like the team is gonna sandlot all night.\u201d<\/p>\n Andriy shrugged. \u201cStory of my life,\u201d he smiled.<\/p>\n Symon winced at the self-pity in that smile, the look of a little boy who wasn\u2019t picked by either team. Aw, hell. Rules be damned<\/em>. He said, \u201cHey, wanna go to a real game? This weekend? They\u2019re playing the HC Siska again on Saturday!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHah. You\u2019re funny. I haven\u2019t had a Saturday night off in\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Symon nodded. Of course he wouldn\u2019t be able to. Oh, well, it\u2019s just as well\u2014that\u2019s one rule I really shouldn\u2019t break.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWell, gotta get back. See ya.\u201d<\/p>\n They got up. Symon patted Andriy on the left shoulder. Not on the right one\u2014Andriy had a thing about the right shoulder. Poor guy, <\/em>he thought as they parted awkwardly. Works for the best social media company in the world, and starved for a human connection.<\/em><\/p>\n He couldn\u2019t dwell on it at that moment, though\u2014there was a narrative to perpetuate: the comrades were separating.<\/p>\n He gave Andriy a resigned smile and headed off toward the Java wing. Andriy would glance back at him once\u2014even twice\u2014so he needed to stay in character.<\/p>\n The first time they\u2019d met was in the lunchroom at Facebook five months earlier. Symon had been waiting by himself in the corner\u2014where, he had been briefed, Andriy usually sat. He\u2019d studied a vid of Andriy: sallow complexion. Greasy. Prematurely thinning hair. His looks had clearly been doing him no favors socially. But even that was just window dressing, for it was Andriy\u2019s ineptitude in hanging with others, his nerdy engineering arrogance, that drove most people off. And made it necessary for the employers to call in Symon.<\/p>\n They didn\u2019t give him many instructions. \u201cAsk him for help with the Wi-Fi\u2014that line seems to work best,\u201d the notes at the bottom of the contract had suggested. But nothing on how to gain his confidence\u2014how to achieve true Bud-ism, which was the term Symon preferred over the execrable bro-mance. Over those initial weeks, using strictly non-verbal cues, Symon pieced together a (completely artificial) narrative of their friendship. He was the delicate one\u2014the one who had trouble making friends. It was he who accepted the protectiveness of the wealthier, more established Andriy.<\/p>\n There was a balancing act, though. It was Symon\u2019s idea that he should be the needier of the two, and need to be rescued by Andriy. Yes,<\/em> said his employer, but you also have to take up less oxygen in the room<\/em>. After all, we aren\u2019t paying you to really have Andriy rescue you\u2014quite the contrary<\/em>. So Symon came up with the artifice of being not only needy, but introverted. Andriy would get most of the air time.<\/p>\n He still hadn\u2019t fleshed out whether he was in a romantic relationship with anyone, as far as Andriy would know. The problem was, it would have to be a woman. Andriy was clearly only comfortable around straight males. Symon wasn\u2019t sure he was ready for that level of fiction.<\/p>\n He reached a security door, and used the fake ID card his employer had given him. He had his phone out and had already \u201canswered a call\u201d (actually a Duolingo lesson\u2014Portuguese).<\/p>\n Now out of sight of Andriy, he relaxed, and concentrated on the lesson through the rest of the building and out into the parking lot. It took a long time to find his ten-year-old Renault in that huge sea of cars. Which doubly irritated him. You guys all make two hundred K. I mean, buy yourselves a fucking Z8, it\u2019s the greatest car ever built.<\/em><\/p>\n Symon turned the key. The engine clicked but didn\u2019t turn over. Fuck. So embarrassing<\/em>. He tried twice more, but it was going nowhere.<\/p>\n \u201cNeed to get jumped?\u201d<\/p>\n Symon turned to see a remarkably buff young woman, maybe late twenties, holding a set of jumper cables. She\u2019d had an obvious Irish accent, and her foreignness became even more obvious when she said, \u201cGo on, open the front. I fix it.\u201d<\/p>\n Opening the hood was about the limits of his mechanical abilities. He watched her with some interest\u2014doing something to his battery using hers. That was all he knew.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t try yet. Give a chance to charge,\u201d she cautioned as he reached for the ignition key.<\/p>\n He nodded and sat with his eyes on her until she gave a thumbs up. His engine coughed to life, a small white cloud forming behind him.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks!\u201d he called.<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe need new alternation part,\u201d she called as she removed the cables and let his hood drop. She pulled her old truck in after he backed out. The lot was otherwise completely full.<\/p>\n Good thing she needed my space<\/em>, Symon thought. Couldn\u2019t call Andriy<\/em>. His boss had been very explicit on that point: \u201cAny imposition of the contractor\u2019s personal life onto the client\u2019s was grounds for immediate termination of contract.\u201d It was like a whore expecting her customer to satisfy her.<\/p>\n Symon tried to squelch that image. Whores don\u2019t do as much acting as I do<\/em>, he frowned as he merged onto the freeway south. They just look the other way the whole time the Ivan is banging them. Although maybe the high-end ones are more artful about it. Like geishas<\/em>. <\/p>\n The whole technopark is just engineers and their whores, he\u2019d heard someone say once. He pushed the uncomfortable notion of prostitution from his mind, mulling instead over friends who who\u2019d found themselves serving the engineers. Barristas, a coach driver, and a few private school teachers. All those food-service people and real estate agents and hangers on and sycophants keeping the mighty engineer happy. Some kind of modern-day feudalism, with techies instead of royalty. Meritocracy, not aristocracy<\/em>. Though the distinction to him was moot\u2014either way, he wasn\u2019t in.<\/p>\n Like his liberal-arts buddies, he\u2019d tried to get a job in his field. But good jobs out here were scarce. Unless you were an engineer. Of course, there was always a class of people that were stuck doing to grunt work, he reminded himself. There were always the high-school dropouts, or the ones who never went to college. Us history majors never thought we\u2019d join their ranks, or we never would have paid for all that school.<\/p>\n Symon took the job of friend-for-hire from XZ, a secret Facebook spin-off whose motto was \u201cSuper high-quality, super low-maintenance.\u201d Their sole purpose was to provide pals to prized tech employees. At Symon\u2019s orientation session, he was told he was going to bring a critical dimension of social interaction to left-brained people whose job was to create social media. But he could suss the subtext: it would help distract them from the fact that they\u2019d sold off all their waking hours to The Man.<\/p>\n He felt ambivalent about it. He really did. Sure, the pay was great, and the hours were ridiculously low. Facebook\u2019s engineers didn\u2019t have more than a few minutes per day for doing anything social, which was why they didn\u2019t have friends in the first place. And he was working in his field of mental health therapy, helping these hopeless nerds\u2014most of whom had all the personal charm of a KGB interrogator. But on the flip side, he was enabling billionaires and the Stock Exchange to continue to exploit some of the brightest people in the country.<\/p>\n Lately, he\u2019d found himself crossing a boundary of sorts, in his conversations with Andriy. Like that invitation to the hockey game. XZ wouldn\u2019t like it if they heard about that<\/em>, he thought as he parked in the little numbered spot underneath his apartment. Their employment metrics all pivoted on metrics like productivity, not happiness. He was just reaching into the fridge for a beer when his phone chimed. He glanced at the ID and then put the beer back in the fridge.<\/p>\n A half hour later, he was sitting with Natalie, Sophia and Hadeon at the LoveCraft bar in the Khamovniki District.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, guess what?\u201d Hadeon said, his ruddy face flushed even redder. \u201cI accepted a new job. With Facebook\u2014Symon and I are going to be co-workers!\u201d He turned to the server coming up from the bar and waved her down, then turned to the others and said, \u201cI\u2019m getting this round of drinks.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo kidding,\u201d Natalie said. \u201cThat\u2019s weird. I just got an offer from them too. Out of the blue.\u201d She opened her large brown eyes wide, and her black eyebrows disappeared behind her jet-black bangs.<\/p>\n \u201cMust be hiring,\u201d Sophia said, fluffing her golden coils theatrically<\/p>\n \u201cWait\u2014out of the blue?\u201d Symon said to Natalie.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I mean\u2026I wasn\u2019t actively looking for a job. I bet they found my LinkedIn profile.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuys\u2014this is kinda weird.\u201d<\/p>\n They all three turned to Sophia, who held her beer to her mouth and smiled behind it coquettishly.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is, Sophia?\u201d Natalie prompted.<\/p>\n \u201cMe too! I just got an offer from Facebook. For a lot more than I\u2019m making. I was going to show it to Symon later, because I thought it was a joke.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, the salary thing was kind of weird,\u201d Natalie said with a shake of her straight black hair. \u201cA lot higher than I expected. I didn\u2019t believe it either. I thought it was just one of those Ukrainian hackers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHell, I\u2019m taking the offer,\u201d Hadeon said. He turned to Symon. \u201cI mean, I don\u2019t even have any experience in CGI, so you guys are kind of taking a chance on me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWait a minute,\u201d Symon said. \u201cThis is in my group? Who is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell\u2014like I said. Facebook.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I mean, who at Facebook?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh\u2026I don\u2019t know. I\u2019ve only talked to their HR team so far.\u201d<\/p>\n Symon looked from one of his friends to the other. He\u2019d told them six months earlier that he\u2019d been hired by the CGI group at Facebook, so now they all thought they were going to be co-workers. How was he going to keep up the lie if they all worked there too? And there was also something suspicious about all this. Andriy must be behind it. But why? Had he broken through Symon\u2019s cover? Was this an act of revenge?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou mean it wasn\u2019t because of you, Symon?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Natalie said. \u201cDon\u2019t you want us to work with you at Facebook?\u201d<\/p>\n Symon glanced at her and burst into a fake smile. \u201cOf course I do!\u201d Shit! How is this going to work? And what was Andriy up to?<\/em><\/p>\n He forced it out of his mind for the evening by convincing himself that there were ten thousand employees here, plenty of ways to hide from his friends when he was working with Andriy. And maybe they\u2019d all gotten offers because of the big hiring push Facebook was planning.<\/p>\n The next week, Symon came to Andriy\u2019s office to pick him up for lunch, and almost tripped over his own feet when he saw Sophia\u2019s distinctive mane of golden curls at the reception desk.<\/p>\n \u201cSymon!\u201d she exclaimed in surprise before he could hide. \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was going to ask you the same question!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI work here! I told you yesterday. I took the job.\u201d<\/p>\n Andriy came out of his office at that point. \u201cOh, good. You know each other.\u201d He turned to Sophia and said, \u201cWe, uh\u2026we go lunchy.\u201d<\/p>\n Symon gaped. What the hell did he just say?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cGoing to lunch? Okay,\u201d Sophia said. \u201cDo you want calls forwarded to your cell?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYe\u2014no!\u201d Andriy said, turning toward Symon. Even in his confusion, Symon recognized Andriy misinterpreting his dark expression to be another nag about getting a personal life.<\/p>\n \u201cDude, what is going on here?\u201d Symon said as they walked out onto the sidewalk path leading them to the main Facebook food court.<\/p>\n \u201cI never know how to talk to women,\u201d Andriy admitted. \u201cEven at work.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I mean, you\u2014you hired her on purpose. Because she\u2019s one of my friends?\u201d<\/p>\n Andriy turned to look at Symon as though he was about to correct him, paused, and then did anyway. \u201cActually, I was the one who hired all three of your friends.\u201d<\/p>\n Symon stopped, dumbstruck.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, c\u2019mon, Bud,\u201d Andriy said. \u201cLet\u2019s get in line. I\u2019ve only got fifteen minutes before the conference call.\u201d<\/p>\n Symon started walking again, \u201cYou mean…Natalie and Hadeon, too?\u201d<\/p>\n Andriy nodded, a big grin on his face.<\/p>\n Symon stumbled along, asking questions while Andriy picked out their wraps from the Mexi-Russi bar.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat kinds of jobs? When do they start? How did you even know who they were?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think, Symon? I\u2019m in data mining! All I need is your first name and a business you\u2019ve shopped at in the last thirty days, and I can find out anything there is to know about you: favorite porn, how much you owe on your car\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut\u2014but why?\u201d Symon asked. \u201cWhy did you do this?\u201d<\/p>\n Andriy beamed at him, breaking his usual code of no eye contact to look him directly in the face. \u201cI did it for you, Symon! You\u2019re always complaining about how you never see your friends anymore. I figured if we all spend all our time here together, then it\u2019s really like we\u2019re not working at all!\u201d<\/p>\n The following weekend, Symon tried calling his friends. All three of them were at the office.<\/p>\n \u201cSorry, Symon, but there\u2019s a big push to get a new deliverable ready in our group. We\u2019re going to be holed up here all weekend,\u201d Natalie said.<\/p>\n \u201cIs that Symon?\u201d Hadeon\u2019s voice giggled off in the background somewhere. \u201cTell him to get his ass over here and hang out with us. We\u2019re doing CBD-tinis and roasting a goose!\u201d Or something that sounded a lot like that.<\/p>\n \u201cYou guys don\u2019t sound very serious over there,\u201d Symon muttered.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, Facebook seems to think if we get hammered while launching, we\u2019ll be more open to creative solutions.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, lemme talk to him,\u201d a male voice slurred, and suddenly Symon found himself face-timing with Andriy.<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019 look like you\u2019re at work!\u201d Andriy said. Symon was still trying to figure out how to turn the screen off, and now he gave up. \u201cWorking from home today,\u201d he answered.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, sure,\u201d Andriy sing-songed dubiously.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy are you saying it like that?\u201d Symon asked.<\/p>\n \u201cAndriy thinks you don\u2019t work at Facebook.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? Why not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOne thing\u2019s for damn sure,\u201d Hadeon laughed. \u201cEveryone here works, like, sixty hours a week, minimum!\u201d<\/p>\n They said a few other things, clearly in the highest of spirits, and then hung up. \u201cGotta get back to it\u2014we\u2019re doing a chalk-talk now!\u201d<\/p>\n Symon put down the phone. They were onto him. This was bad. Completely outside of the XZ terms.<\/em> A moment later it dinged, and he recognized the number of his handler at XZ.<\/p>\n \u201cHi Angelina,\u201d he said. \u201cI guess you heard.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe certainly did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo\u2026now what?\u201d If they were going to fire him, he was going to make her say it, not him.<\/p>\n \u201cSo. Are you ready to pick up a few new clients?\u201d<\/p>\n That was unexpected.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWait, what? How is that even going to work? If you transfer me off of Andriy, then what happens to my friends?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re not going to be transferred. We\u2019re adding new clients for you. And you keep Andriy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about? I\u2014my cover\u2019s been blown.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no it hasn\u2019t,\u201d she said blandly. \u201cWe already put a few digital breadcrumbs out there. A false trail.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFalse trail?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLittle things. Stuff that makes it look like you work for the Security Service.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe cover story shifts, that\u2019s all. Andriy and your three friends know you don\u2019t work for Facebook. That\u2019s fine. So now they\u2019ll think you work for the FSB. All of your evasiveness and misleading excuses of the past will be forgiven in the light of the super patriotic work you do. Protecting intellectual property.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh…\u201d He paused. \u201cOkay, but\u2026why are we doing this? It seems like a lot of effort. Just assign someone else to him.\u201d \u201cBut\u2014wait, clients? Those guys are my friends.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, yes, they were. But are they still? When\u2019s the last time you spent any time with them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s been a few months,\u201d he admitted. \u201cBut that\u2019s because they just took these jobs. I mean, sooner or later they\u2019ll be able to\u2014\u201d He trailed off. It was exactly what Andriy had said many times since they met.<\/p>\n \u201cI think you understand. Your friends need you now more than ever. But that\u2019s great for you! Your workload just tripled without any more work. How many people get paid just for hanging with their friends?\u201d<\/p>\n Something sounded slightly ridiculous. And a little repulsive.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2014I don\u2019t know about this,\u201d he mused out loud. \u201cI mean, what am I supposed to do on the weekends, now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMake new friends,\u201d she said. \u201cYou were a sociology major. You\u2019re good at people.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI have to say, I kind of feel like I\u2019m getting played, here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe are going to double your salary, you realize.\u201d<\/p>\n Symon gulped.<\/p>\n \u201cJust remember,\u201d she said as she ended the call, \u201cnow that they\u2019re your job, you no longer get to impose on them. Our client is very firm on that point. Besides, they won\u2019t have the free time.\u201d<\/p>\n A month later, Symon was sitting at the food court, looking out the window at his new black BMW Z8 and frowning. Natalie was supposed to have coffee with him, but she\u2019d just dropped by for a quick espresso shot and vanished. Hadeon had blown off lunch altogether. He knew to expect that, now. But he still felt lonely.<\/p>\n \u201cBig project due. Sorry!\u201d Natalie texted.<\/p>\n \u201cU R the best\u201d Hadeon added.<\/p>\n Symon shrugged and put away his phone. This business of just sitting in the food court and wasting his time for so-called friends who never showed any more was starting to get old. All his waking hours were spent here farting around on Facebook instead of passing time with real humans.<\/p>\n Starting to not have a life either. This is actually kind of sucky. Maybe I should just quit, and move back to<\/em>\u2014<\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me,\u201d a timid voice said at his side. He was startled to see a handsome young Asian man standing next to him, impossibly fresh-faced.<\/p>\n \u201cHi,\u201d Symon said.<\/p>\n \u201cD-do you work here? I need some help.\u201d He held out his phone as if to offer it to him.<\/p>\n \u201cHave a seat,\u201d Symon said instead, gesturing to the opposite chair. \u201cWhat can I help you with?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, you see, I\u2014I\u2019m new here. And I haven\u2019t quite figured out how to log into the Wi-Fi.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Lime Tree<\/strong> I knew what the package would contain: a copy of my sister\u2019s first book of poetry. She was in her early twenties like me, but was already being noticed as an animal activist and a writer. I was flipping through the slim volume when a poem\u2019s title made me stop.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":4860,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2156","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2156","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2156"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2156\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4739,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2156\/revisions\/4739"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4860"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2156"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2156"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue26\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2156"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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\n The first few times he saw Andriy, Symon didn\u2019t do much more than nod and say \u201cS\u2019up?\u201d He\u2019d spent a lot of time lurking in the cafeteria before Andriy was due in, just to get that far. And he was proud of the way he gradually insinuated himself into Andriy\u2019s awareness, commenting on a hockey game from the previous night, wearing a sweatshirt from Andriy\u2019s school, and organically leading up to them eating their organic lunches together.<\/p>\n
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\nThe voice chuckled. \u201cThat\u2019s possible, of course,\u201d she said, \u201cbut it\u2019s not such a good idea. Especially because you\u2019ve become more valuable than ever, Symon. You\u2019ve built up social cohesion, not just for one of our VPs, but now for three more clients. His support staff.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nIt was only a coarse brown envelope from home, but it fetched a smile of pleasure in me. I had been feeling low, facing an uncertain future as an international student studying in Toronto. The latest changes to immigration laws had made returning to India a real possibility.<\/p>\n