Debbie had dinner at the place across the highway from her apartment. When the bill came she went over to the ATM and punched in sixty dollars. She got an insufficient funds message so she tried forty. Two bills shuffled out at her. The slip let her know she was eight dollars short of the limit of her overdraft.<\/p>\n
Back at the table she made a great production of looking over the bill and then her money. The waitress waited. Debbie said, \u201cOh, I\u2019m sorry. I didn\u2019t take out enough money. I need to hold on to this <\/em>cash,\u201d she held up her two twenties, \u201cbut I could use some change.\u201d She thought about it a minute, \u201cSo, can I put eight on my debit, then have you break this twenty for the rest? Is that okay?\u201d The waitress didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n Debbie left the restaurant and walked into the mall across the parking lot from the diner. Most of the shops had moved to the new mega mall outside of town; there were only a handful of store open inside. The managers stood out on the concourse and nodded to Debbie as she walked by. She didn\u2019t notice, she was thinking about how she had thirty-eight dollars cash and her overdraft was at the limit. Her visa was at ten thousand, with a minimum payment due the next week. Her other credit cards were maxed out at five and six thousand dollars, but their payments weren\u2019t due for three weeks, so she didn\u2019t have to worry about them. Her paycheque was coming in later that week, but it would only just cover rent and not any of the bills, which were so far behind anyways she couldn\u2019t even think about them \u2014 which reminded her that she did have to worry about the car insurance even though there was really nothing to do about it and she\u2019d been driving uninsured for a month anyways. The main thing was the minimum payment on her main credit card: fifty dollars. An amount she was twelve dollars short of.<\/p>\n The thirty-eight cash she had was as good as useless since it wasn\u2019t enough to actually cover any of the bills, so she thought that she might as well try to make something of it. By then she had wandered out the back door of the mall. The town\u2019s newly built casino shone its lights across the parking lot at her.<\/p>\n She walked through the sliding doors on to the thick, oddly patterned carpet. She tried to slip by the security guard while he chatted with two regulars, but he caught her eye and smiled. \u201cHold on there, miss,\u201d he said. \u201cYou look too young to be coming in here.\u201d She made as if to pull her wallet out of her purse and the guard just laughed and waved her by with a \u201cGood luck.\u201d<\/p>\n She walked past the dollar slots near the entrance to a bank of quarter slots near the back wall. There were six grouped together that were tied in with a show she liked. She fed a twenty into one and her credits came up on the bottom of the screen. The star of the show said his catch phrase. She pressed the bet max button.<\/p>\n The screen spun while the theme from the show played so quiet it blended with the background noise of all the other machines. Shapes settled in to five columns and five rows and red lines appeared connecting the patterns that matched. Her credits went up. She played on, sometimes it was three or four lines, sometimes none. When half her money was gone, she switched to the next machine over and started betting less. Less risk meant less payout, but she could play longer. She kept at it and then everything lit up and the machine said, \u201cBazinga.\u201d Everything connected, but she had only bet on two lines. Her credits went up, but not as much as they could have. She started betting more. Her credits went steadily down to zero.<\/p>\n She went to a different game and fed in the last of her money. She told herself she\u2019d cash out at ten, but when she got down to that she decided ten wasn\u2019t enough to really do anything with anyways, so she might as well keep going. A small win took her back up to twenty, which wasn\u2019t much better to ten, so she kept going and then it was all gone.<\/p>\n The security guard was different when she left; he didn\u2019t look at her. The parking lot was dark. She walked to the highway and ran across to her building. The elevator took a long time to get to her floor and its buzzing fluorescent light. She passed no one in the hall, then got into her apartment and tossed her jacket and purse on the couch and lay down over them.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Debbie\u2019s phone buzzed her awake in the morning. She dug it out of her coat pocket and tried to turn off what she thought was the alarm but instead picked up a call. It took her a second to register her sister\u2019s voice asking if anyone was there. She brought the phone to her face and said yes. They made plans to have coffee that afternoon. <\/p>\n Debbie scraped all the old food off plates into the garbage and stashed them in the dishwasher. She swept and then decided it would be better to shower than to tidy more. When she came out there was no time for curlers so she wrapped her hair in a scarf and then the buzzer was going off. She hit the button to unlock the front door and took a quick look around. She tossed a newspaper over a pile of unopened mail just as Anne let herself in. They hugged and talked about how it had been too long, and Debbie made a pot of coffee while Anne sat at the kitchen table and started shuffling a deck of cards. They played hearts, counting out their tricks with Anne tallying them up. Anne told her about how the kids were doing just wonderful in the city and both had found places and how Jen had moved in with her boyfriend. She talked about her store and the economy and how it looked like it was going to be a rough year, but how it could never be as bad as it was back in ninety-six. Then she asked after Debbie\u2019s kids and job. The kids were good, the job still just part time.<\/p>\n Anne dealt again and they both looked over their cards and told each other what garbage they had. After they counted up their score, Anne said, \u201cI hear you been over at the new casino.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie looked up. \u201cI went over once to see what it looked like.\u201d<\/p>\n Anne looked down at her cards. She said, \u201cDebbie. I hear it\u2019s more than once. And from a few people.\u201d Debbie didn\u2019t say anything. \u201cYou know, there\u2019s nothing wrong with gambling. I like Vegas as much as anyone, but that\u2019s different \u2014 there you can take in a show, there\u2019s entertainment. That place is just slots and Keno. You can\u2019t win, and there\u2019s no fun when you\u2019re losing.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie shuffled the cards and dealt. Anne left her cards lying face down while Debbie sorted her hand. Anne said, \u201cI know things have been tight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m doing okay, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n They played quietly after that. After a few more hands Anne won. She asked if they should play another round. Debbie said she actually had plans. At the door, Anne pulled Debbie into a hug, then lingered. Anne said, \u201cI know it\u2019s been a hard few years for you. You know you don\u2019t need to worry about the money you owe me.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie thanked her and closed the door. She put their cups in the sink and walked out onto the patio and watched the cars driving by below. <\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Debbie checked her account. Her work cheque had cleared and there was just enough to cover rent, but they were threatening to cut off the power so she had to deal with that first. Back at home she called her bank and let them know about her long history with them and explained that she had to make some unexpected loans to family members and wondered if they could extend her overdraft. The bank teller on the phone let her know he was very sorry to say he could not.<\/p>\n She tried one of her credit card companies. They could<\/em> give her a higher limit, but that would change her interest rate to something less favourable. She okayed it, then paid off her hydro bill. She put a little on her phone to keep them happy, and paid the minimum on one of her other credit cards. Then she headed out for lunch. After, she explained to the waitress that she forgot her debit card at home and wondered if she could do cash back on the credit card. The waitress said she could.<\/p>\n Debbie wanted to make her twenty last, so she stuck to the penny slots where she couldn\u2019t bet more than ten cents at a time. She didn\u2019t like these games; the screens had ten rows and dozens of shapes; there were more ways to win and more to lose, but it was just a swirling mess of lights that was impossible for her to follow. Sometimes her credits went up, sometimes down, and she was never too sure why.<\/p>\n \u201cDeb?\u201d Debbie turned around. Valerie Marston squealed and wrapped Debbie in a hug. They tried to figure out when the last time they\u2019d seen each other and figured it must have been when their boys graduated, which was in ninety-nine. Could they believe it was that long? \u201cAnd imagine, meeting at this shithole!\u201d Val grabbed Debbie\u2019s forearm and laughed.<\/p>\n Debbie said, \u201cI live across the street, I\u2019ve been wondering what it looked like inside since it opened.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, shit. I come here every couple weeks for the Keno. Rick hates it, I blow half my pay sometimes.\u201d Val laughed again. \u201cBut what the hell, huh. You only live once.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie said she probably should be going and hit the button to cash out. They left together and at Val\u2019s car hugged and made plans to see each other again. Once Val was clear of the parking lot, Debbie turned around and went back in.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Her son visited with the grandkids. The two boys tore around the house while her and Jack tried to talk. One of the boys knocked all the mail off the chair it was stacked on and Jack finally turned on the TV and sat them in front of it. He carried the papers back to the kitchen table and handed them to his mom. \u201cNot opening your mail?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, it\u2019s just junk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou doing okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m doing okay.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was at Aunt Anne\u2019s shop.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnne doesn\u2019t know what she\u2019s talking about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe can help mom. We all know things haven\u2019t been great since you and dad split up.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie got up and poured herself a glass of water, then went in to where the kids were watching TV. She tickled one and sat down beside him. Jack joined her and they watched cartoons for bit and then she said she had some plans that afternoon and needed to clear out soon. The boys ran around getting their stuff together and then they were all at the door trying to leave.<\/p>\n She gave them a few minutes before pulling on her jacket. There was a fifty in one of the pockets. She was sure it wasn\u2019t there before and she realized: Jack. She decided to leave it on the table and return it, but then she was in the elevator, slowly heading down to the lobby with the fifty still on her.<\/p>\n At the bank machine, she saw that a work check had cleared, which put her account just under zero. With the overdraft, that gave her a couple hundred to work with. She paid off two of the credit card minimums and then put fifty on her phone bill because they called every day to tell her they were going to cut her off. That maxed out her overdraft again, and hydro was due and she was still driving without insurance and rent was coming up again. But she had that fifty cash, which wasn\u2019t enough for the months of insurance she owed or rent, and it was found money besides.<\/p>\n She tried a different approach with the machines. Rather than abandoning one that wasn\u2019t paying out, she stayed with it \u2014 the more the losses added up, the better her chances of a win. She fed the bill into a machine and went down to twenty before hitting a jackpot that sent her to a hundred. She switched machines, again, waiting for a big payout. She lost steadily, with enough occasional small wins to keep her going. When she levelled out at fifty she thought about cashing out and putting the money aside for Jack, but she was sure that she would get another win because there was no way a machine could lose that much. Her credits went down and she started betting two or three credits rather than the max. She dwindled. With under ten dollars left she decided to bet it all at once and be done with it.<\/p>\n All the lines on the board connected. A light started flashing and she thought she\u2019d somehow set off an alarm before she realized all the lines were connected.<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Debbie got pulled over coming home from work. She asked the officer what seemed to be the problem and he told her that her licence plate sticker showed that her insurance had expired. She let the officer know she was sure that couldn\u2019t be right. She dug out her papers and told him how shocked she was and that she felt so dumb that it had slipped her mind and promised she\u2019d go in and pay right away. The officer asked her if she wouldn\u2019t mind holding on for just one second and took her license back to his cruiser. He came back less friendly; it seemed she\u2019d already been given two warnings about the expired insurance. She waited with the officer for the tow truck to take her car away, then started walking home along the highway. It was going to be two hundred and fifty to get the car out and the cop had given her fines beside. The fines could wait but if she didn\u2019t get her car back right away the impound lot would charge another twenty-five a day. She knew her overdraft was at the limit and most of her pay had to go to rent at the end of the week, but she figured there was eighty dollars extra, but that wasn\u2019t even the two-fifty she needed today, let alone the three seventy-five it would be by the time she had any money at all. And then there was paying off the insurance on top of all that.<\/p>\n She unlocked the front door and got in the elevator. The doors closed on the fake lobby plants. When they slid back open there was a different artificial plant that let her know she was on her floor.<\/p>\n She took the pile of unopened mail to the kitchen table and fished out her bank statement. It was three-months old and she knew how much was in there anyway. She looked in her purse and didn\u2019t see much, then flipped it upside down so everything fell out. There was about four bucks in loose change. She checked all of her other purses, and then her coat pockets, her jeans, some drawers, and between the couch cushions. She slumped against the edge of the couch and wondered what her TV was worth; it was an old one, not even a flat screen. Probably wouldn\u2019t even get picked up off the curb. She laid there for a long time, staring at her reflection in the blank screen.<\/p>\n Finally, she called Anne and said, \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t believe what happened\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Anne followed Debbie back to her apartment from the impound lot. When Debbie asked if she needed something, Anne said she was coming up and they were going to sort this out. Debbie tried to say it was fine but Anne wouldn\u2019t have any of it.<\/p>\n Anne got Debbie to gather her ATM receipts, insurance papers, tickets, rent receipts, anything that could help sort out where money was. They laid it out on the kitchen table and Anne opened the mail and divided everything up by debt \u2014 anything from her bank in one pile, credit card companies in others, hydro bills, insurance. When she was done, the table was completely covered with paper.<\/p>\n Then she sorted each pile, finding the most recent bills and scraping the old. She started jotting down numbers on a piece of paper, adding things up and making notes. Debbie tried to explain where the money was\u2014 one thing to pay off another to pay off another \u2014 but Anne told her that the reasons didn\u2019t change anything: they were debts that needed to be paid off. She said, \u201cYou\u2019ll have to live cheaper. Get rid of cable, get rid of the car.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI need the car.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt will take you half an hour to walk to work. You can do that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut what will people say.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat you like to walk.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019ll think I can\u2019t afford a car.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou can\u2019t<\/em> afford a car.\u201d<\/p>\n Another half hour later Anne had laid it all out. The piles of paper, the years of debt, put into clean columns, various interest rates calculated, debts divided into the have-to-pays, the would-be-nice-to-pays, the can-waits. \u201cYou\u2019ve been chasing the small debts and not worrying about the big picture. You\u2019ll have to call some of these companies, tell them that they\u2019ll get their money but after the deadlines. They\u2019ll go for it. It\u2019s better for them to get money out of you late, than not at all.\u201d<\/p>\n Debbie looked hopelessly at the numbers. It was worse than she thought. Anne went on, \u201cThere\u2019s a lot of debt, but you make enough money to live and should be able to manage. It\u2019s bad, but it\u2019s not impossible. You have a job, you have your health. There are lots of people worse off than you. Just as long as you stop gambling.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI barely \u2014\u201c<\/p>\n \u201cDebbie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not like it\u2019s all losses. I won a thousand dollars a few weeks back.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI paid off some things.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThose things needed to be paid off because of the gambling. Come on, Deb. You\u2019re smarter than that.\u201d<\/p>\n They sat there a while, Anne repeating a few points, going over who needed to be called, saying that she was sure she could get her accountant to make calls if anyone gave her trouble. The main thing, she kept saying was to make her payments and work away at the principal.<\/p>\n They went through everything once more, then Anne suggested they go for dinner. Debbie said no, she really needed to be alone and think this through. Anne took forty dollars out of her purse and put it on the table. \u201cTake it. You\u2019ll need groceries.\u201d<\/p>\n At the door, Anne hugged her sister and said, \u201cYou can do this. I promise.\u201d<\/p>\n ***<\/p>\n Debbie sat down at the table and looked over the notes. The debts, added into one number, broken down into the payments to be made in the years ahead. Her future, laid out in interest rates and pay schedules. Money not yet earned, spoken for. If her only expense was the debt, it would take three years to pay off. But with rent, food, living life; at her current wage\u2026 Maybe there\u2019d be a better job, maybe that would shave a few months off; maybe a year. But that was so little, and the debt so much.<\/p>\n But there was that forty dollars. Not factored into the numbers. She pulled on her shoes and coat. It was so little lose, after all; forty dollars was worth the chance of changing the future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Little to Lose <\/strong>
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\nDebbie had dinner at the place across the highway from her apartment. When the bill came she went over to the ATM and punched in sixty dollars. She got an insufficient funds message so she tried forty. Two bills shuffled out at her. The slip let her know she was eight dollars short of the limit of her overdraft.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":2131,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1762","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1762","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1762"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1762\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2132,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1762\/revisions\/2132"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2131"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1762"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1762"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue22\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1762"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}