in loving memory, for my cousin, and there are still times when words fail us\u2026<\/p>\n when specific descriptions only serve to soil the memories of the moments we keep, so I am here to say; no longer drown in sorrow for the lost tomorrows we no longer distrust every bell and whistle screaming metal braking in the night; I have let go of the crippling doubt that this was somehow all my fault we no longer carry grief like buckets of terror; I have started to build new temples for acceptance and quiet calm; at dusk when blackened angles of wall meeting ceiling: that my philosophy has always been fallacious, I am reading the skyline as Braille these days, not as disaster splattered in Rorschach train-track intentions, I love you Mike; I just need you to know:
\nMichael David Berry
\nborn January 17th<\/sup> 1984,
\nhe left this earth January 31st<\/sup> 2006<\/p>\n
\nwhere any intimate detailed narrative becomes a dishonor\u2026<\/p>\n
\nI no longer see disaster splattered in the Rorschach train tracks of your intentions,
\nbut dragonflies and crowns\u2026<\/p>\n
\nrather swim in hope for the future;
\nfor the chance to see something of you come back
\nto us<\/p>\n
\nthe shadowed corners of my office no longer filled with dread at the thought of your ghost;
\nwe hold on to the picture of you as innocent;
\ncling to the sweet visions you transferred to canvas
\nimages in your heart that we never knew enough about;<\/p>\n
\ninstead I whisper dreams as requiems for your abandon and courage
\nand should I happen across your apparition:
\nI wish to find you in solid condition;
\nas if this afterlife light would have healed you by now;
\nsomehow: through the twists of scrap and shark\u2019s tooth of truth,
\nyou have found peace.<\/p>\n
\nI surrender my resentments at the foot of whatever alter I have left;
\nthis stage; this page, this crumpled paper heart.<\/p>\n
\nstood silent at dawn praying you could forgive me
\nwondering if I will ever forgive myself\u2026
\neven as I feel the deep well of sadness pooling at your father\u2019s plateau;
\nthere is not a day that doesn\u2019t strike your absence like a gong in our hearts
\nstill there is song enough for all of us.<\/p>\n
\nI suspend my disbelief long enough to talk to you,
\nI\u2019m still trying to tell you,
\n\u201cI\u2019m sorry\u2026 I miss you\u2026it never should have had to happen\u201d.<\/p>\n
\nbut I am gracious for the 22 years that I knew you;
\neven if I was a silent fog: too clouded to listen closely,
\nif I was the waterfall: too concerned with the edge to observe the quiet curve of your rough river;
\nI was a giver, but what I passed onto you, was too much strong stuff, and not enough love\u2026<\/p>\n
\nin hopes that admitting this blindness might help me feel something other than remorse;
\nlet this loss run its course,
\nlet this be our Morse code,
\nSo you always know;
\nI would deface your memory, were I to speak too clearly,
\nSo I say today; I saw god in the mountain
\nand my grief is amounting to an empty cave;
\nI want to be brave to say
\n\u201cI see you;
\nI feel you,
\nI will carry your tattered heart always\u201d<\/p>\n
\nbut as dragonflies and crowns;
\nbecause you were a prince among men
\nand you earned your wings
\nlong ago\u2026<\/p>\n
\nI will never forget.<\/p>\n