{"id":172,"date":"2012-09-21T23:15:12","date_gmt":"2012-09-21T23:15:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/?page_id=172"},"modified":"2019-03-14T14:40:53","modified_gmt":"2019-03-14T14:40:53","slug":"kenechi-uzochuwku","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/writings\/fiction\/kenechi-uzochuwku\/","title":{"rendered":"Writings \/ Fiction: Kenechi Uzochuwku"},"content":{"rendered":"

The \u2018Unholy Bible\u2019: King Lucifer\u2019s Version<\/strong><\/h2>\n

(Novel Excerpt)<\/em><\/h2>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

PROLOGUE<\/strong><\/p>\n

The end is near I must tell you. And just in case\u00a0I don\u2019t make it, I hereby give you my memoir, my autobiography. I don\u2019t pretend to make it as poetic and flowery as the bible; my tale\u00a0need not have any aesthetic quality. There would be no verses, or any of such triviality. It won\u2019t be in testaments, old or new. This is not an epistle or a letter to the Romans or the Corinthians or any particulars; it is not a book of proverbs or any other form of praise singing. I seek not to give any commandment, or to promise damnation to anyone. It is not for self-glorification\u00a0either. This is just the missing parts of the Other Book; the other side of the story. I am believed\u00a0to be\u00a0many things, especially the father of all liars, but only the astute know that I, Lucifer, in all the centuries of existence have fathered no one. I may not be truthful, but I am precise. It would be best to have the Other Book open, as you read this, but open up your minds as well, and judge this matter.<\/p>\n

There are two sides to every story. Even in the human courts, no case is decided until both parties have been heard or represented. I am not so comfortable that mere mortals are to preside over the rift between God and I, but God gave mortals the impetus in the first place, so let it be so. I have been silent all this while, because I didn\u2019t really care and because I felt silence was the best answer. But silence works only with fools. What I do now, I do for you.\u00a0 Not that I care one bit, but I have to set the records straight.<\/p>\n

I have decided finally to say my side of the story. I am not trying to defend myself, no, I have done no harm except once or twice or thrice or \u2026when necessary. You all are conversant with the Other Book and its tales. Well, that is God\u2019s side of the story, his point of view. In the Other Book, there was no talk of what the characters were thinking or feeling, but in mine, I will tell you exactly what Eve thought of Adam, what Isaac thought of his father, what the Carpenter, Joseph, thought of his wife Mary. I will even show you the thoughts of the witnesses present at some of the events. I only do this so you can have all your conceptions in 3D. I know the bias against me is as old as man, but I am not deterred. Of course I can\u2019t win this case; I lost it from the beginning. I was condemned\u00a0a long time ago. No sentence can be passed on me that hasn\u2019t been passed before. Daily I am being cursed and prayed against, with several attempts made on my life, but am almost immune<\/p>\n

Really, I find it funny when mortals bind and cast me. I am immortal; I can\u2019t get bound or cast. Cast to where? In the earlier days, prayers weren\u2019t so violent and forceful; it was usually a quiet and supplicative\u00a0affair. These days, a true Prayer Warrior is bodily fit through many of the fitness exercises he undergoes in the name of prayer. I hear them at times, in those churches where the kingdom of God suffers violently, as they tear themselves apart trying to cast me into \u201cAbyss\u201d, or \u201cBottomless pit\u201d. Where are these places? Sometimes, someone would be binding and casting, another Prayer Warrior elsewhere would be losing and rebuking the very same being. If one takes stock of all the prayers going on against me at the same time, one would marvel at the contradiction it would cause if such prayers try to take effect. Mortals make me out to be\u00a0this all-seeing, all-powerful\u00a0being, but still, a being they can kill. When they pray sometimes, I hear, \u201cDie! Die! Die!\u201d Some even shoot imaginary guns or stab into the air believing they are actually stabbing and killing me in the spiritual realm. Their gestures crack me up. Others even go as far as commanding that I get suspended in the air or that I be thrown into the Sahara; wishful thinkers.\u00a0 The universe is my domain. I am the king, I go anywhere I chose and usually at my own discretion.<\/p>\n

Most mortals fail to realize that I have a very good working relationship with the Almighty. God makes inquiries on earthly issues that get his attention, and sometimes, He questions my decisions. Heaven and Earth are autonomous worlds, more like a Colonial nation and its Colony. God recognizes the sovereignty of the earth, and above all God recognizes that I am the ruler of this world. God\u2019s will is done in heaven but not on earth. Here my will reigns supreme. If God knows this, why shouldn\u2019t you? God created the world, but God isn\u2019t in control of things in this world. I have absolute control of nature. I run things down here. Everything that happens on earth, I make happen. Stop attributing earthly events to God. Stop giving my glory to God. He has enough.<\/p>\n

Whatever I might think of God, I won\u2019t deny that He is a God of order. He doesn\u2019t really interfere in my business except when an overzealous saint gets overly worrisome with prayers; otherwise he lets me do my thing. In such cases were he interferes, he does it quite politely. Like, I remember when He advised that I do away with Hitler and stop the world war madness. God had a little issue over the Jews and why I took it to that extent, and I told him that I had no hand in that particular detail. He had always being partial to those people. Well, I took my man Adolf away, but I gave him something befitting his status as one of the greatest mortals ever. He was a great man, faithful. I liked him.<\/p>\n

More recent God asked what I thought of the new black president of America, I had only shrugged; I liked Bush better. I pleaded innocence on the death of the king of Pop; it wasn\u2019t me. The heavens are still deliberating on whose side he should be spending his eternity; but I know where I would want him. But for God\u2019s intervention, Osama would never have been found; I would have \u2018translated\u2019 him like I did my man, Hitler. My last consult with God was over the Nigerian problem. There I put my foot down. I told the Almighty that the nation hasn\u2019t seen the last of my troubles. I feed on their hypocrisy. Good luck for them is only a dream. I understand that God has a few cronies among the people; but I have more than a few, I have a legion, as many as the number of churches in that nation. Aside from these occasional interventions, God minds his business and I mind mine.<\/p>\n

Really you would find that I am not as terrible as I have been portrayed. I am called\u00a0all manner\u00a0of evil names; everything wrong is blamed on me. I am thought\u00a0all dark and evil; I even have horns in pictures. But no\u00a0being alive, dead, supernal or infernal is as beautiful as Lucifer, Prince of the morning. I am a super power. I was even able to fight the heavens; that was no mean feat, I must tell you. I am the only Other Power. I know my worth compared to God\u2019s. God is the beginning and the end; but who do you think controls the in-betweens?\u00a0 He is the Alpha and omega but I, Lucifer, am everything else. I indeed have a cause to be proud.<\/p>\n

Every natural disaster is attributed\u00a0to me. I am called the destroyer. Granted, I cause my own share\u00a0of destructions, especially when a particular society begins to piss me off with their disregard and pretended righteousness, or when some place becomes over populated with the saints; I usually try to create some space. But I don\u2019t do all. I tell you, the Lords own destruction is often more colorful and imaginative. That\u2019s why He is God. And I suspect He tries to outdo me just to prove a point. Remember the flood? No, not Haiti, I mean the very first one. Who destroyed the whole earth with flood? In fact, I learnt that act from Him; I haven\u2019t been able to perfect it yet. Who destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah with fire and brimstone and pillars of salt? Pillars of salt, of all things!<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

But one must give God the glory; that was a beautiful act of destruction. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was enthralled by the stones and raining fire. I even tasted Lots wife, I mean, the pillar of salt she turned into. No, God is powerful! We can\u2019t argue that fact.\u00a0 Most natural disasters are purely natural. But who made nature? It wasn\u2019t me.\u00a0 Now of course I don\u2019t even bother to destroy anything; man has come of age. He has grown adept at destruction. At times I doubt if I could be as wicked and creative as man in his own acts of destruction. I just lied.<\/p>\n

Mortals have this conception that God is all loving. Sometimes I get shocked at their acts of disobedience and defiance of me. The Almighty is not as loving and harmless as men think; He is an all-consuming\u00a0fire.\u00a0 Hell hath no fury like His. It is indeed a terrible thing to fall in the hands of God. Trust me, I know. If I, Lucifer, a being God took much pride in creating\u2026 if I Lucifer, would be thrown down from heaven, even without a fair hearing, then who else wouldn\u2019t be. Man can get away with crossing me, it is seldom, but it has happened, but who has heard or seen the one that can escape from the Almighty\u2019s fury. Check history, check the Other book. Yet I am the sinister, wicked, and heartless one.<\/p>\n

I am not bad; I am good people. When was I ever needed that I didn\u2019t show? One doesn\u2019t even need to fast or pray or obey my commandments for me to offer my services. I don\u2019t even have commandments. Commandments are merely speed breaks, and I don\u2019t do slow. I give what is deserved. One asks for my help; instant delivery. I don\u2019t delay. There is no point in making you wait till the last hour or trying to judge to see if you will be faithful to me before I help. I only demand a fee. Just pay the price, or sign a bond to pay in installments. It\u2019s simply business, nothing personal. I have been cheated a lot; many after entering the contract suddenly decamp when I come for my pay. That isn\u2019t good. Men are just my customers, I don\u2019t force anyone to buy my goods or use my services. You don\u2019t have to sign my business deals so long as you can have patience to wait long enough for God. I just hate it when men breach contract by not paying or by decamping. But still, business has been good. You win some; you lose some.<\/p>\n

People come into hell giving me the look like I am the \u2026 well; of course, I am the devil, at least in their conceptions. But the mortals have to know that I didn\u2019t send them in here. I don\u2019t have all the power. Life and death are in His hands, remember? The lord gives; the lord takes. But the unreasoning mortals think I do all the taking. I am not saying I don\u2019t do my own share\u00a0of taking; I am the grim reaper after all.\u00a0 But He takes more than I do, and I don\u2019t take anything without his nod. Any soul that comes to me must have been rejected\u00a0by Michael, who is a mere Gatekeeper-of-heaven (yet he puffs himself up). The angst should be\u00a0directed at him, not me. Mortals always misplace anger and priorities. Michael should be given the first priority in directing their anger. I will tell you why, if I remember.<\/p>\n

Coming into hell with an attitude only fuels the fire. Of course, I exert collecting my pound of flesh by keeping my guests quite busy. I try to make the place more colourful and memorable. Yeah. It beats heaven, where one only gets to wear white and see only gold. It gets too bright for the eyes. We do all manner\u00a0of dancing and stuff in here, but in heaven, one puts on white and joins the twenty-four elders and all the old bearded prophets to bow down and worship incessantly. The bowing gets hard on the waist. In hell we try to diversify, diversity makes things more interesting and gets everyone involved.<\/p>\n

You would be surprised at the class of mortals I get down here: kids, preachers, dignitaries, rulers \u2013 all kinds. I don\u2019t like getting kids in here\u2026 Hold on, I don\u2019t have any love for them, though some are almost as evil as I am portrayed; I just feel that they would have been of more benefit if they lived longer in their twisted lives, a little more time to spread their poison. Getting them in here so early is a waste of resource. I don\u2019t fail to berate my angels if they are responsible.<\/p>\n

The stars and celebs are much down here, we try to accord them some form of regard, depending on how creative they were in vice, and their contribution to my business. Sometimes I come around and see how my guests fare. I call them guests just out of respect; of course none who comes here gets to leave, except he makes a deal with me. I like watching them move to the fire and get their groove on. Where did they learn all this contortions? You think you can dance? Come to hell and see.<\/p>\n

Another shocker would be the requests some of the guests make here in hell. A one-time richest-man-on-earth wanted to know how his estate was faring. I laughed so hard. Well, I told him it was doing very good without him; he didn\u2019t seem so much pleased with my answer. I indicated to my Dj\u2019s that he should be kept busier. He needed more concentration and focus on the task down there in hell. Another wanted to know who his wife was = em = doing it with; he wanted to know if it was his best friend? He said he had always suspected them both. Of course I gave him the more painful reply.<\/p>\n

Many wanted above anything else, vengeance. I prefer those. I will have you know that once in a while I make certain deals here. Of course God doesn\u2019t have to know, I keep it hush-\u00a0hush. A really determined mortal can get a respite above ground if he or she can bring more souls on returning. I only grant the deal to mortals with potentials; people who can deliver. I granted one terrorist few more years if he would deliver more souls to my cause. Well, he took his time, but he succeeded in blowing up himself along with some notable Israelis. It was a win- win situation for me. His action above ground started a chain reaction that delivered more souls to my cause. Smart, right? Well, I am Lucifer!<\/p>\n

An injustice was done; it was done\u00a0long ago. And I have been serving\u00a0my term \u2013 an unjust sentence. I only seek a fair hearing, just to be\u00a0understood. Whatever crime I committed, man has done much worse, I shouldn\u2019t have said that, but then, it is true. In my case, I have no appeal, no pardon. Perhaps to whom much is given, much is exerted\u00a0from. But I know my true enemies. It is almost time to confront Michael, my chief accuser, but first, my memoir.<\/p>\n

Let me start from the beginning\u2026<\/p>\n

Lucifer,<\/p>\n

Bermuda triangle,<\/p>\n

11:59 pm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The \u2018Unholy Bible\u2019: King Lucifer\u2019s Version (Novel Excerpt)     PROLOGUE The end is near I must tell you. And just in case\u00a0I don\u2019t make it, I hereby give you my memoir, my autobiography. I don\u2019t pretend to make it as poetic and flowery as the bible; my tale\u00a0need not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":762,"parent":148,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-172","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/172","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=172"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/172\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":682,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/172\/revisions\/682"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/148"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/762"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mtls.ca\/issue13\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=172"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}