Today I left
Today is the day I will leave, not tomorrow, not the day after but today. It has to be today. Another month is ending and it is time to begin anew. It’s a new dawn – a rebirth more like. Finally nothing is going to hold me back. I am taking the bold step into the unknown, ready I hope, for the ups and the many downs this journey will bring. You must set Forth at Dawn… Some day when things are more settled and my raging demons are calmer I will read that book again, maybe even write mine. Yes.
I woke up early just as day was breaking and got ready. If only Baba has been observant, he would have noticed that it is a new me. I slowly but steadily move all my worldly possessions out of the 4-bedroom town house we share. First it is my books; all my books must come with me. All the books that I have collected along the way must come with me. Books which I keep saying to myself that I will read when the time is right. Books are my great escape. I would be transported alongside the characters as I turn each page, lost in my own world exploring the streets of cities unknown. I have been to Paris, Manila, Tokyo and Dublin – all through the pages of books. O then my shoes too have to come along. After books my greatest luxuries are shoes. ‘A lady couldn’t go wrong with a good pair of shoes’ is my mantra. You must always put your best foot forward in a nice pair of shoes. My sunshine yellow shoes with the white polka dots bow which I wear when I am really blue, my black patent sling back with the powdered blue heels and details, my black 6 inches strappy sandal with Swarovski crystals which I wore to Baba’s office Christmas party. I stood tall beside him even if inside I was shrinking away. My shoes are coming too. Clothes, I could leave behind. The first thing they would check is my wardrobe and I can almost hear Funmi in her chirpy voice saying, Oh, she will be back, she left her clothes behind. She will go through the wardrobe looking for the black jacquard dress she always wanted me to give to her. I leave it behind for her knowing she will look for it. She can have it. It’s my farewell-so-long gift to her for the many long hours of talking to me endlessly about life in the family house and for enduring my silence, which she could never understand. Funmi I know I will miss.
Adaku didn’t ask any questions when I bring the first Ghana Must Go bag filled with books to her apartment for safekeeping. Soon it becomes four bags, and another two filled with shoes joined. At that moment she knows I am going to leave. Through tears she quietly asks me if I need help. We lie down side by side our bodies not touching on her orange sofa and we cried without a sound for hours while Beautiful Nubia crooned away Irinajo from her iPod dock. Anyone who walked in on us would think we were asleep. My friend Adaku knows me better than I know myself. My silence spoke volumes she would say and through the tears she would hold my hands crying silently knowing it was a matter of time, something had to give. This is the time, something is giving and she is going to support me. I make no demands on her, just her quiet support and understanding was all I ask for. She never did question me or ask hypocritically, Are you sure about this? Or, Have you prayed about it? I knew she has questions but would not ask. She knows time is indeed the best storyteller – time which I don’t have. She understands the need to keep my plans under wraps. This resurrection morning I didn’t call her. I also knew she would be there waiting in a taxi at the street corner just as we agreed.
Very nicely done.
wow! you write almost like chimamanda….almost better. so explicit with hilarious (comedy like)m interjections. leaves me wanting more! I need you to not just whet my appetite but keep me wanting more! good job girl! and…….I can relate! (enough said)